My children, I fear, often tire of me telling them this. I have tried to raise them with the ability to see how actions are connected with consequences. For instance, if you choose to dawdle while cleaning your room, you may not have time to play with friends later. Or, if you choose to not eat your dinner, you opt out of dessert.
Funny how it's always harder to apply wise counsel to yourself.
This week I got to go visit with Wayne, my counselor, for an hour by myself. I love having a totally objective, non-judgmental, unrelated person to whom I can lay everything out on the table, so to speak. I wanted to talk about the anticipation of stress I feel as the holidays approach. It's rather a contradiction, because I look forward to this time of year and everything that goes with it, yet I almost get a pit in my stomach wondering how on earth I'll ever manage to pull everything together before Christmas Day. I always manage to do it somehow, but not without more than a fair bit of anxiety and stress along the way--something that seems out of place in a season that celebrates joy and peace.
In the course of our hour's conversation, I was reminded that my favorite parental slogan applies to me as well as to my kids. When I acknowledge that the things I do in preparation for the holidays--be it shopping, decorating, wrapping, baking, blogging, or whatever--are in fact deliberate choices on my part, I feel more in control. I like feeling in control, rather than like I'm on some crazy raft coursing madly down the white rapids, crashing against rocks and threatening to overturn at any moment (which is how I most often feel during this time of year).
Wayne also helped me to recognize that my talents are both "a blessing--and a curse" (in Monk's words--for all you fans of the TV show) and I realized that, while I can look to others in my family for support and help, I shouldn't expect them to feel as urgent about some things as I do.
Focusing on gratitude is another way I can change my perspective. For instance, instead of feeling stressed out because I have to get my mom's and my decorations up in the next two weeks (my sister Susan usually comes for Thanksgiving and does our mom's), I will be grateful that my aging parents are still here to celebrate another Christmas season and I will enjoy and appreciate the time I am given to spend with them.
I will not be a victim of my choices, but the director of them. Sounds rather dramatic, I know, and perhaps even silly in the context of Christmas preparations, but it was nevertheless a moment of clarity for me--one for which I am grateful.
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6 comments:
I'm so glad you had such a great moment of clarity! As one of my favorite Mary Englebreit pictures says, "If you don't like your surroundings, change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it." Not saying you don't like the holiday season, but you don't like the stress that accompanies it, so you can change the way you think about it! I love being in control!
Ah, the Fairness Doctrine.
It is definitely always harder to apply wise doctrine to yourself than others! It sounds like you had yourself a great little epiphany there, and just in the nick of time, too.
Last year I very consciously chose to do less as far as making homemade Christmas gifts, etc. and it was a much more peaceful holiday! I like being in control, too. Funny how a small thing like a shift in your perspective can make such a big difference.
I love you "Fairness Doctrine" label, and I am so grateful to have been raised under that belief. My choices are all my own, as are the consequences. Thanks for teaching me to accept those, and to learn how to make the best choices I can. Love you!
I want a therapist too!
It's wonderful that you could have this epiphany weeks before the holidays roll around! This year can be a pit-free year!
Whoa, this is just what I needed! My week has been entirely driven by deadlines and responsibilites that only I can take care of--Sneelock has been out of town, sales are down at the store, design deadlines are overdue and no project managers with hours to do the work.....well, you get the picture. I wish I would have read this before I was feeling martyred, while staying long after the store closed last night, entirely by myself--primping, filling in, hanging garlands, putting up wreaths.....
I like your thinking. Thanks.
And, I wish more than anything that I could be with you to put up the decorations at Mothers. oxox
I really enjoyed reading this post. It was a good kick in the pants that I needed especially today.
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